welcome to epic del rio

Hello everyone! Hope your Thanksgiving dinners were fantastic! I have been sitting around eating, reading books and watching movies for the past few days so I am in a great mood! So we have decided to have a secret santa gift exchange this year to celebrate Chrismakkah (Christmas and Hanukkah) amongst all of us that hang out at Del Rio instead of buying gifts for everyone. It will be alot easier to buy a gift for one person instead of buying for everyone in our circle. Then we will have more money left over to put towards the copious amounts of alcohol we consume every weekend.

Here’s how it will work: Anyone that wants to participate can, those that do not wish to participate don’t have to. Let us know if you want to be a part of it and next weekend (or sometime really soon) we will get together and draw names. Keep the gifts under $50 to keep things kind of equal and not break our banks. Then we will have a get together over at Del Rio closer to the holidays and have the gift exchange. Sound like a good plan? So let me know if you want to be a part of it-you can send me a text. If you don’t have my phone number then we must not be friends and I might not like you so no probably you can’t be in our gift exchange. sorry.

Also I want to give a big Happy Birthday Shout Out to our beloved JGray!!! Hope you have the BEST BIRTHDAY EVER today and I’m sorry I missed your bitchin bday bbq my friend!

I’m Out Like A Boner In Sweatpants 🙂

CHEL-C

After a longer than expected lay-off due to the new job, Shades of Gray is back like Espo’s herpes! Valtrex son, for real.

Happy Thanksgiving! As I’m writing this, I do so with a heavy heart, my Detroit Lions are being ass-fucked by the Titans and a 0-16 season seems quite likely.

Speaking of ass! The notorious “Butt Bandit” of Valentine, Nebraska  has finally been captured, ending his nearly two year reign of terror on the tiny town of 2,600. I personally can see how the dude probably was drunk and did it one night thinking it was the funniest shit ever, but to continue for almost two years is just wierd. Unless of course it was his drunken tradition, maybe it brought him good luck, who are we to judge?

Remember the 8 year old in Flagstaff that shot his Dad and Dad’s friend? Well, apparently the little fucker planned the murders. He told protective services that he had been spanked 5 times the night before and that he vowed his 1,000th spanking would be his last. Oh yeah, he kept a piece of paper with all the spankings tallied in his room. Caution, *RANT* coming. Why the fuck are kids such pussy little faggots these days? Kids pick on other kids, parents spank their children, Mr. Williams down the street cups your balls while he slips a Jolly Rancher in your pocket and makes you promise that “it’s our little secret”….um… well, that last one is just a random example, stop looking at me like that. My point is shit happens. Shooting up schools because a bully messed with you or killing your parents because you got a little spanking is fucking nuts. Shit, I’m scared as fuck to have kids, little assholes will gang up and whack me in my sleep by the time they’re six. It’s getting to the point that you either have to give them every little thing they want and demand or be able to tell early on if they’re going to be good looking, popular and athletic when they grow up. If they are not going to be any of those things, just flush the little brats and get to making a new one.

I would like to say to Chad Finkelstein that I am glad you’re ok bro, stop driving like an ass.

And to Espo, I’m sorry for my insensitive herpes comment. Seriously dude, you can hardly notice them. Also, I hope my pic of the day does not bring back too many horrible memories.

Pic of the Day!

Welcome one and all to Shades of Gray, epicdelrio.com’s kind of daily blog that fights global injustice one elderly stripper at a time.

OK, I’m not totally for or against Cougar Nation, as you can see there are positives and negatives just like any group of girls. But damn, if a 44 year old woman wants to give lap dances for a living then I say “Hell yes!” This is just another in an astoundingly long list of things that Canadians do wrong, hey, thanks for hockey assholes! From here on out I shall refer to the stripper as Cougs McTittieboobs because her real name is impossible to pronounce since it’s Canadian and therefor dumb. Cougs McTittieboobs claims she was fired from her adult entertainment gig in which she earns $8,000 a month(I’m not sure if that’s real money or that Monopoly shit they use up north) because the owner decided he wanted to “Go in another direction with younger girls.”  Now I’m all for getting as many young naked girls together as possible and maybe I have these Canucks pegged wrong(although I doubt it) but if this bitch is able to pull in 8 grand a month then she’s doing something right and therefor creating business and other revenue streams for your shitty strip club(beer, smokes, breathmints,etc.). I hope Cougs McTittieboobs wins her discrimination suit and continues to dance as long as she wants. By the way, were you aware that in Canada milk comes in bags?

I just had to share this with the world, yum.

Just in case no one believed the above Public Service Announcement so thoughtfully provided by your friends at Shades of Gray, here’s fucking proof. And just to prove how much better we are than everyone else, here’s some good old American milk bags.

For anyone who missed it today is the 30th anniversary of the “People’s Temple Agricultural Project” mass suicide, better known as Jonestown. I’m not going to go too far into it because I think everyone should read about it for themselve’s if they haven’t already. Basically Jim Jones was an American Communist and therefor loved having large men pound his asshole till it bled. Jimmy formed his own following, or cult as it were and persuaded the Guyanese Government to lease him land for a settlement. Long story short, Jim got ill and knew he was going to die soon and brainwashed his crew into believing if they all committed “revolutionary suicide” they could change the world. Some people tried to defect when Congressman Leo Ryan showed up to check the place out and Jim had them and the Congressman murdered. Jim’s sheep then lined up one by one and drank from a metal vat filled with purple Flavor-Aid(which is delicious and damn near impossible to turn down), some mother’s even using syringes to feed the delicious genocide juice to their infants. Jim decided not to drink after witnessing the agonizing death’s his apocalyptic punch and shot himself. All in all 918 people died that day in what was the greatest single loss of American civilian life in a non-natural disaster until September, 11 2001. Leo Ryan is the only Congressman murdered in the line of duty. Fun Fact: The People’s Temple originated in Indiana, which proves my point that Indiana sucks and should be moved to Canada.

I wrote a lot more about that than I meant to but it’s damn interesting stuff.

Pic of the Day!

Wooo! Welcome to Shades of Gray, today will be a lot more positive than last nights post, it’s time to celebrate peoples!

As many of the fine folks who read this most awesome blog know, I am awesome. Yes, even more awesome than this, and this, and this, and this but just barely. What many people do not know however is that even someone as awesome as myself can suffer hardship. A few months back I was laid off and have had one hell of a time finding work in this bullshit economy, well jobless bum no more ‘cuz daddy got a job bitch! I’m not really going to go much further with it but I wanted to get that out of the way.

By the way, for anyone thinking “Damn J, you’re an asshole for thinking you’re so much more awesome than everyone and everything, there’s no way you are even as remotely awesome as Jesus riding a Tyrannosaurus Rex.” Well to you I say fuck off. I am however humble enough to admit that I still am not as awesome as this kid.

I would like to go on record now by saying that I agree 100% with Gov. Dave Heineman when he says “Please don’t bring your teenager to Nebraska.” For fuck’s sake, at least drop them off somewhere cool like Iowa.

Last but not least today I would like to talk about Maxie L. Davis of Fort Pierce, Florida. On Sunday, Nov. 10th, Mr. Davis was entertaining his ex-girlfriend when he needed to leave his apartment to pick up some crack. While he was running this errand the lady friend decided to help herself to a can of sardines and a can of Vienna Sausages. Upon returning home Maxie became agitated to discover his delicious bounty devoured and proceeded to advise she not disrespect him in his own house by punching her several times. I for one applaud Mr. Davis for standing up for what’s just plain right and refusing to be a victim. House guests overstep their boundaries far too often and take advantage of their generous hosts, this is a man who left her in the comfort of his home to obtain some savory crack cocaine which he intended to share with the ungrateful little mud duck, and she shows her gratitude by eating his fine foods without even asking. And what happens to Maxie? That’s right, he’s thrown in jail. Well I say bravo Maxie L. Davis, you are a true champion of good and Shades of Gray’s first ever Hero of the Week, you earned it my friend.

This Shades of Gray is going to be considerably less fun and light-hearted than usual, bear with me.

My oldest brother Steve loves me to death. I know this because he’s told me more times than I can remember. Steve took care of me quite a bit when I was a kid, the side effect of having a Mom who had to work and being 15 or so when she has a baby. Steve did messed up things while babysitting, he’d have his friends over and they would get fucked up while I was in the crib. When I’d cry they’d blow bong hits in my face, when I was teething they rubbed coke on my gums, I’m even told I was slipped a bit of acid one time. I’m surprisingly not too upset at this (hell, who else can legitimately claim they’ve been partying since 2 years old) I’m not upset because I know Steve didn’t mean any harm, he’s just stupid. Steve had a string of addictions up til the 80’s when he kicked them all and started drinking as a crutch. I can’t ever recall Steve being sober, he’s always been drunk and rarely fun to be around, mind you I said rarely and not never. When I was 7 he bought me a pair of the first Air Jordan’s and a Michael Jackson Thriller jacket, those shit’s were sweet son. When I was 12 he offered to take me to Van Buren and get me a whore, he said he could make me a condom out of an old inner-tube so “nothing could get through that fucker!” I declined the offer. When I was 17 he told me he was going to fuck my girlfriend because I mouthed off to him, we went outside in the snow and I knocked his drunk ass out. Twice. In 1999 he pissed me off so bad I decided I would never talk to him again, that lasted until 2006. I spent a few hours getting drunk with him in a hotel bar, it was one of the saddest days of my life. It was also the last time I spoke to him. Steve’s health had deteriorated pretty bad, he was just a mess, most of the time I’ve known Steve I’ve known he needs help. Thing is, he doesn’t know it, he’s just stupid. Today I found out Steve is homeless, living in a shelter in Las Vegas, it doesn’t surprise me but it does break my heart. All his possessions gone, his Van, his tools, his clothes, his will to live and he still refuses the help he desperately needs. All he wants is some cash so he can get a motel room, a thirty rack of Bud and a bottle of Jack. Steve’s going to die in one of those rooms one night, hammered and alone and it sucks. It sucks because I love my big brother and I can’t help him. He’s just stupid.

Welcome to Shades of Gray the daily blog that’s not quite daily these days. Or something.

I heard some pretty funny news that Total Nonstop Action Wrestling (TNA for short) has offered Sarah Palin an honorary position in their company with a group of hot sluts known as the Beautiful People. While I do not consider Palin to be unattractive, I really do not see what the point of this is. Other than appealing to her ego this obvious publicity stunt is dumb even for professional wrestling standards. I know enough about hot, young, popular girls that teaming them with a cougar who has such poor taste in clothing a bunch of old white men had to pay for her new wardrobe is a huge mistake. Those girls will make her feel so self-conscious all the Ben and Jerry’s won’t help. After looking at her family I think a love triangle death match storyline involving Palin’s husband and this guy seems way more intriguing. TNA owner and president Dixie Carter, herself a very bangable MILF, had this to say.

“Governor Palin has combined her experiences as a wife and mother with her political savvy to prove to America and the world that politics aren’t just a man’s game. I know firsthand what challenges you have to face when breaking a glass ceiling in a male-dominated profession.”

My only question is, isn’t she still Governor of Alaska with a job to do?

Rumbling has already started over the upcoming teen girl goth vampire movie Twilight, which stars some very skinny, very pale, very feminine “heartthrob” named Robert Pattinson. According to my sources the film is already selling out for it’s debut weekend and the soundtrack has already hit number 1 on the charts. The first soundtrack to do that since that groundbreaking cinematic masterpiece 8 Mile. I for one will not be seeing the movie or it’s sequels because I cannot bring myself to watch this for hours on end.

Welcome back to the most influential, amazing, groundbreaking and…well, only daily blog here on epicdelrio.com, Shades of Gray. I of course am your guide, JGray. I have to say that finally getting this thing going feels pretty good, writing something every day doesn’t sound like a big deal until you try doing it but I can handle it, after all, I’m the Jugernaut bitch!

It’s time for me to rant a bit. I noticed my buddy Espo posted about all the new cameras on the eastbound 10 and I have to agree. It seemed like there were cameras every six feet when I was driving home the other day, something should be done about this. Not only are there a shit-ton of the photo cops, they are also positioned a lot lower to capture the perps faces which as Spinaca stated blinds your ass so you can get another ticket for causing a six car pile up while swerving through 3 lanes and t-boning a church group bus. Bravo. I know, I know, “But Jason, if you travel the speed limit you won’t have to worry.” Well, fuck that says I. The highway speed limits are bullshit, plus they alternate all the time just so they can catch “speeders”. 65,65,65,65,55 ha! Caught you lawbreaker, now deal with these fines suckas!

I was cruising around youtube and found some of the most amazing videos ever, I must share one with you all as it is my new goal in life to have EVERYBODY see Indian Superman. Spread the word.

I went to NASCAR the other day and saw a lot of this and this, I swear my brother and I had 8 more teeth combined than the rest of the 150,000+ in attendance. I actually ran into Foxxxy’s mom at the race and she gave me a sexy picture for the blog of herself getting ready for the big day. Enjoy!

Welcome one and and all to the first ever daily blog on epicdelrio.com, Shades of Gray. I of course am your host JGray and I will be bringing you rants, raves, reviews, bits of news and other shit from around the world and generally giving everyone a piece of my mind. Now that the introductions are through, no I don’t care to know who you are, let’s do this thing.

I wanted to start out with something a little light hearted that many of you may not have heard about, New England Patriots cheerleader Caitlin Davis. Young Miss Davis was shit-canned from her weekend gig making drunk fat dudes drool hot dog bits on themselves because photos surfaced online of her posing with some passed out guy in her dorm room. At first glance the photo is harmless(and at glances 2 through 617 by the way) it’s college after all. Take a look for yourself. The thing that got her canned is the tiny little swastika on dudes chin, Caitlin claims she didn’t see it and dammit I believe her! I do however understand that you cannot have your team associated with swastikas in any way, especially when the owner of this team is a sponsor of the Israeli Football League. It’s just a damn shame because now we have to miss out on good, clean American fun like this.

I was reading about the 8 year old boy in St. John’s Arizona who apparently murdered his Dad and Dad’s friend and I started to wonder what was going on in that house. A kid who has never had any disciplinary problems in school, never been considered a trouble maker, just one day pops his Pops and another dude? Sad as it sounds I think we’re going to find out he’s been being molested by either his father or the other guy, or maybe Dad and his “friend” were messing around and Jr. didn’t like that. No matter what happened it’s a sad story for this little boy and I can’t help thinking that Joe Arpaio totally wishes this had happened in his county so he could have press conferences and talk about how he would whip this boy into shape and get on TV and have his Sheriff’s cup his testicles oh so gently while he watches old re-runs of Gomer Pyle and…. Sorry, got a bit off track there.

I wanna give a big shout out to the chick in Prescott who attacked by a rabid Fox and then ran 1 mile to her car, threw that bitch in the trunk and drove herself to the hospital. No city girl could have pulled that shit off.

Today was a special day for Agent Orange, I realized a divine calling, a calling I was placed on this earth to fulfill. Today I realized I am Karma’s hand of justice, a hand that