A high speed motorcycle chase is under way through the crowded streets of New York, in the lead are two members of Japan’s notorious Yakuza, a deadly organized crime syndicate known for their ruthless aggression. Following closely and gaining more ground each and every second, his Ducati 1100 EVO SP carving the pavement like your mom through lasagna, our hero pulls a semi-automatic micro uzi and opens fire on the men who raped and killed his woman. The first spray of bullets find their mark with spectacular acuracy, the kind of aim only the most epic of men possess. As the bullets tear through the leather jacket, then tattooed flesh of this piece of Yakuza shit he loses control of his bike and slams full speed into an oncoming city bus, exploding on contact and sending terrified citizens screaming in all directions. As much as our hero would love to stop and admire the demise of his sworn enemy, he knows that one remains and he shall not escape his destiny. Of death. Accelerating down a side alley he sees his final victim leaving his bike and ducking inside an abandoned warehouse in which their final showdown no doubt awaits. As soon as our hero enters the warehouse he is greeted by a hail of gunfire, sending him diving for cover behind what he soon realizes are several large containers of fuel that someone has inexplicably left behind in the abandoned building. “Oh balls” our hero says to himself as a round of bullets pierce the containers, spraying fuel across the concrete floor. He dashes from behind his precarious protection, opening fire and sending his enemy scurrying up a ladder leading to a catwalk high above the ground while explosions rock in his wake, sending our hero shoulder first into a solid brick wall, nearly knocking him cold. Struggling to his feet, our hero forces himself up the ladder, determined not to let his enemy escape. As he reaches the catwalk he is kicked from out of nowhere, sending his uzi to the ground below and leaving him defenseless. Except not. Our hero is a master of all types of hand to hand combat, like Snake Eyes only way cooler. With lightning quick speed he grabs his enemies leg and pulls him from the catwalk, leaving the Yakuza hanging from one arm while being beaten from our hero as he too hangs from one arm. An explosion, followed by an even greater explosion rock the building, dislodging the catwalk and causing it to snap in half, one half crashing to the ground. Our hero manages to pull himself to relative safety and offers his hand to the Yakuza, “Take it!” he yells. As the cowardly Yakuza reaches for his hand our hero smirks, takes the hand away and stomps on his fingers causing him fall, impaling himself upon the twisted metal below. “Psyche.” our hero says before pulling himself together and realizing he only has moments until this building comes down. He sprints through the warehouse, explosion after explosion going off all around him until there is nothing left. Outside the building dozens of Police and Firefighters have gathered, trying to make sense of the damage and shielding their eyes from the flames. “Wait! Look!” one of the Police yells, pointing his finger towards the blaze. Walking slowly through the smoke and ash with a slight limp we see the rugged silhouette of a man whose mission has been accomplished. “What the hell happened here?” an officer demands to know. “Vengeance happened here.” our hero replies, not even stopping to look at the policeman. “At least tell us your name!” the officer says. Our hero turns towards the rookie, weary from battle, and says “They call me JGray.” Another explosion. Guitar solo.
YEAH! Now that’s how you open up an epic summer blockbuster motherfuckers! Welcome back once again to Shades of Gray, the blog that makes your little sister think dirty thoughts and touch herself at night. I of course am JGray and it’s soooo good to be back!
Been doing a lot of interweb reading while at work lately and there’s some crazy stuff going on as usual…a company called PayNearMe has started a payment system that lets Facebook users buy credits for virtual goods for their gay fucking “Farmville” farms at 7-11 stores around the country. I knew people were into these Farmville things (mostly because I get about 93 updates and requests about them every day) but I had no idea people were paying for this shit. As a matter of fact, so many of you brain damaged bastards are paying for this swill that Zynga, the company behind “Farmville”, is expected to make more than $450 million off of virtual purchases alone. DID YOU HEAR ME?!?!?! $450 million on virtual pigs and fucking owls and shit! Or whatever, it doesn’t matter, all that matters is that I am extremely pissed I didn’t figure out how to rip you F-Tards off first.
Early Man of the Decade candidate Professor Mark van Vugt from the University of Amsterdam has used his amazing science brain to determine that men weigh up potential partners almost instantaneously(generally in just milliseconds) based on their appearance because their “ancient” genetic preference for attractive mates leads them to.
According to research, a woman with an attractive face is taken by men to be fertile and able to continue the family line, appealing to the man’s survival instinct. Prof van Vugt said: “Men definitely have the most wandering eye but it is because they have evolved to pay attention to cues of fertility and one of those cues is facial beauty – it’s not that men are shallow.” “This is something very ancient and a way of helping men find the best mate to produce children.” The man is a damn genius, we now know that we can’t help but check out hot chicks…we have to.
Well, I guess I’ve written enough. Here’s your pic of the day!
