Author: justintevya

vagina in canada

random lil update:

So i’m currently still in buff spending the holidays with drewball’s family. so a couple nights back db decides were gonna hit up his brother brett and see what he’s got goin on that night. Originally the plans were to hang at one of his cousins and just chill @ home and drink a bit. Sounded great, i’m exhausted from tons of garbage goin on so i was gun ho. Turns out brett is going up to Canada for some canadian strip club action. We decide to rock out with brett and some other guys brett “works” with (have no clue why i put quotes there, call it assumptive). We leave with brett and get a round of questioning crossing the border but they let us buy.

So we walk in to Pure Platinum, all eyes in the joint turn to us and we freeze briefly to pop our collars and fluff our junk. They have a first class table setup and waiting right in front of the stage just for the 3 of us, the table next to us was already occupodo by brett’s friends he “works” with.  Immediately upon our ass’s cradeling our chairs we were smothered by a half dozen or so of hot bitches. Throwing themselves on us we ordered a couple pitchers of canadian to start. By that time the owner of the joint came up to us and invited us up to the private buffet for there most exclusive clientele (from what it looked like). i gracefully accepted the invitation while the other boys stayed at our vip table to continue to have poon waived in there faces. in my adventure to this delectable excursion of goodies from every food group, i’m stopped a few times by a mob of girlies to ask about my work out habits, i gave them a basic run down of my daily ritual and reminded them that i was a spoken for man without trying to break there hearts to badly. i remind you titties everywhere.

after wiping my face of roast beef juices and scarfing down my caviar delights i headed back down to the table. i’ll tell you this though, drewballs was setting records with canadian $20’s being tossed into one off the hoes holier than holy holes. brett was doing some sort of buffalonian mating howl, very rough on the ears, similar to a steve urkel in an armbar screeming. finding the boys with a couple sets of titties and a pair of twats on each of there laps i needed to find something to do that wouldn’t be endangering my future with the broad i’m into, she may not love another broads vageen up close and personal with my bathing suit area. the other boys were talking some nonsense of pigeons and making the canadian loonies rain over the whole place.

Right at that moment snoop dog and marc andreessen come walking through the door, a pair for a party that i’ll never forget, but thats for another time my friends. i’ll never forget one of the wisest things anyone ever said to me, canadians aren’t real people. crazy canada.

so during the party the other night…

so the Halloween party is busy and as the kegs thrice flow wild, we had a fabulous little visit. two twelve year old dudes marched in the front door wearing there most flamboyant skater gear, the taller of the two tweenies asked me “can we get in” in his most mouse like fearing voice. i quickly responded with “so who here do you know?”; from here I figure we can go a couple different ways:

a. he can be truthful with himself and me. (as jesus would have wanted)

b. he could have told me that some random guy in the front yard told them they could come in and were allowed to hang out.

c. he could have thrown out a hail marry and given an effort at lying, something like “johnny from gilbert gave mikey the go ahead on us comin over, its been a while, hows your family doin lately”

now the reality is both a & b get you kicked out with out question. had he given me answer c i would have been a tad more inclined to hand them both a beer on the way back out the front door.  he ended up with the lame answer b. very weak and caused me to engage in one of the most negative experiences those children will ever have experienced, humility was the name of the game for them that night.