Category: Fun Stuff

It was a cold dark night in the early days of 2009… I was transitioning to a new home… moving in my effects and what not… moving in some pieces of my desk into the new office when I sensed a presence, I was not alone. as smoke started to billow up and build around me the lights started to flicker and dim… I had that feeling in my gut that you get right before some intense shit is about to go down… it was then as the smoke started to clear that my opponent presented himself. looming above me was the stinger and in front of me the claw like appendages of certain death… I wasn’t prepared for this… and this Motherfucker knew this… he was relying on the element of surprise and the fact that I despise his kind and his VERY existence… I found myself face to face with a Giant Scorpion… aka natures perfect killing machine…

Suddenly the support bar for my desk that I was holding had a new meaning… a greater purpose… I was now wielding a Scorpion Battle stick, It was with this weapon that I would protect my life and vanquish my ancient foe… our eyes were locked. we both shared the same thoughts at that moment.. we shared the same truth… when this encounter was done… only one of us would remain standing… I crept forward, he scurried towards me… Engaged in heat of battle I let out a war cry! The Tension between us was broken with the crack of my weapon on his hard armored back. He reared back in pain. my opponent was paralyzed with pain. this was my moment i realized… If I was going to survive this night I needed to end this now! Taking advantage of his moment of weakness I proceeded to bash the shit out of him until his Lethal tail feel from his armored body… I had severely handicapped him, He knew he was in trouble as he started to retreat into my closet… I would not stand for this and continued my assault on this creature of pure evil. as he lay lifeless next to his dismembered tail I breathed a sigh of relief. I dropped my weapon and headed off to the showers to cleanse my self of the scent of battle…

as I headed out I forgot my pair of epic boxer shorts and headed back to the room to retrieve them I was shocked… my fallen enemy had returned from the dead! his now zombified corpse had returned from the dead for some sadistic reason? maybe he still and some sick and twisted purpose in life to fulfill? regardless He would not fulfill any goal except that of perishing again… his tailless body was dragging along the floor seeking safe haven… I picked up my weapon again and began a second assault… and before I continue let me state… If you’ve ever played a video game and you kill the boss only to have him return as a zombie/cyborg/super version of the original boss with twice as much life!!! This was that situation! so here I am fatigued from battle up against a Supercharged Zombie Scorpion…

Fortunately Zombies are slow as hell and I am rather fast on my feet so I made short work of this bastard but It took many many blows for him to finally fall… reduced to dust my opponent was truly defeated now… Once again dropped my weapon and headed off to the showers… Truly a bad ass and master of my own domain…

That is all for now.

Its a sunny Saturday afternoon in Scottsdale Arizona. I’m sitting in the living room of my roommates girlfriends house, where a rousing game of Slave should be going on… but its not. (slave is the most racist version of chess ever) But its ok cause her and the family are from Africa! South Africa that is! white people who are technically more African than most blacks… but that’s irrelevant to this story.

So were drinking our hot tea with this wholesome setting of a bunch of devote Jews and me the non-Jew kinda Mexican guy trying to fit in, when my phone gives the ole’ jingle that someones lookin’ to converse with me…

casually I pull my cell outta my pocket and see that its a Message from one of my dear friends! Joy!!

Below is the transcript of ensuing convo…

M-swiss: Hey Espo… Will you please send us a picture of your junk?
Me:     Haha what? Why? Maybe…
M-swiss: How bout yes…. But make sure it’s hard first
Me:     Lol. ok. i guess…
M-Swiss: Nows Good 😉
Me:     Um I’m at Sharri’s house with her mom. Now is Really not good.But Soon… =)
M-swiss: I don’t know of any houses that don’t have bathrooms plus me, Chel-C and Amanda are enjoying margaritas and talking about dicks so now is a great time for us!
Me:     You’ll get your picture soon…

The entire time this is going on I’m trying to participate in a conversation about schools and how great this African tea is…

So me being that guy that’s willing to do anything at least once or twice and it has been a while since I’ve sent someone a picture of my wiener so I said Fuck it! For a second I actually contemplate going into the very modern artsy bathroom of my house guests and doing the deed… but I refrained.

eventually the picture got sent out…

Fast forward 3 hours and a few beers later, myself and the Three who received said picture are at BJ’s Brewery which seems ironic…  anyways the table fills up with more and more people and eventually My “dick pic” is being shown to all at the table.. men, women… children? including out of town friends of roommates and shit… (this is when I realized sending a picture of my junk wasn’t a decision I made based off of much logic but rather boredom)

To save me the embarrassment M-swiss makes an attempt to state that the alleged penis was not mine and in fact belonged to the Late, Great and very Girthy John Holmes… not very convincing considering his dick is the size of a Fuckin’ 747 Jumbo jet to Cessna sized member…

don’t think we fooled anyone but that’s ok cause this incident was only to be upstaged by another awkward moment that had all eyes on me again no more than 5 minutes later…

anways I’ll save that story for another post!

– Espinaca!

Messing around with a new program Bambuser I downloaded on my Sony Ericsson P1i that allows you to stream live video from phone to the web… pretty awesome! here is one of the first videos.. least lag with WIFI or 3G connection… if your using any other connection your video is essentially garbage.

I was sitting down eating a bowl of one of my all time favorite cereals the other day and started thinking about all the bad-ass cereals I liked as a kid. Awesome cereal and Saturday morning cartoons went hand in hand in the 80’s where every show was just a thirty minute toy commercial and I was so hopped up on sugar I would think I was Ram-Man and run full speed head first into my brother/a wall/anything that was bigger than me. I of course loved the classic mass produced cereals that were so common but I had a real love for the specialty cereals, the ones that were spawned from movies and cartoons and what not. In honor of all this, I give to you my top 25 cereals of all time. (In no particular order.)

G.I. Joe Action Stars(1985): My favorite cartoon and toy was now available to eat! Perfect for those long days of batting the evil forces of COBRA.

Ghostbusters cereal(1985): Another awesome specialty cereal, fruity rings and marshmallows with no sign of Slimer.

Nintendo Cereal System(1988): When this cereal came out I was so into Nintendo you wouldn’t believe. I marked out like a little girl when I saw this shit and ate it every day for like two years.

Fruit Islands(1987): These were bomb, think cookie crisp but fruit flavored. Their character was King Ayummayumma and he was a fat son of a bitch. I loved this cereal for the short time it was out but I had to eat it secretly. My brother would always call me yumma yumma whenever he saw me, insinuating that I too was a fat son of a bitch. The last I ever saw of the king and his manservant Ha Ha, they were lost at sea trying to find their way back to the islands, a commercial cliffhanger that was never resolved. I imagine that fat fuck is still lost.

Nerds(1985): Nerds for breakfast sounded like the greatest idea ever. It was in fact not the greatest idea ever but damn close. 2 sides of the box with two flavors, just like the candy. Brilliant.

I have decided to break this up into segments of five or else this will be the longest blog ever.

Stay tuned for the next exciting installment!

So, here it is. If you’re apart of the Del Rio crew, here is the place to talk about all that crazy shit! Let’s keep in mind this is a public blog! If you want access email me and I’ll set you up.