Its a sunny Saturday afternoon in Scottsdale Arizona. I’m sitting in the living room of my roommates girlfriends house, where a rousing game of Slave should be going on… but its not. (slave is the most racist version of chess ever) But its ok cause her and the family are from Africa! South Africa that is! white people who are technically more African than most blacks… but that’s irrelevant to this story.
So were drinking our hot tea with this wholesome setting of a bunch of devote Jews and me the non-Jew kinda Mexican guy trying to fit in, when my phone gives the ole’ jingle that someones lookin’ to converse with me…
casually I pull my cell outta my pocket and see that its a Message from one of my dear friends! Joy!!
Below is the transcript of ensuing convo…
M-swiss: Hey Espo… Will you please send us a picture of your junk?
Me: Haha what? Why? Maybe…
M-swiss: How bout yes…. But make sure it’s hard first
Me: Lol. ok. i guess…
M-Swiss: Nows Good 😉
Me: Um I’m at Sharri’s house with her mom. Now is Really not good.But Soon… =)
M-swiss: I don’t know of any houses that don’t have bathrooms plus me, Chel-C and Amanda are enjoying margaritas and talking about dicks so now is a great time for us!
Me: You’ll get your picture soon…
The entire time this is going on I’m trying to participate in a conversation about schools and how great this African tea is…
So me being that guy that’s willing to do anything at least once or twice and it has been a while since I’ve sent someone a picture of my wiener so I said Fuck it! For a second I actually contemplate going into the very modern artsy bathroom of my house guests and doing the deed… but I refrained.
eventually the picture got sent out…
Fast forward 3 hours and a few beers later, myself and the Three who received said picture are at BJ’s Brewery which seems ironic… anyways the table fills up with more and more people and eventually My “dick pic” is being shown to all at the table.. men, women… children? including out of town friends of roommates and shit… (this is when I realized sending a picture of my junk wasn’t a decision I made based off of much logic but rather boredom)
To save me the embarrassment M-swiss makes an attempt to state that the alleged penis was not mine and in fact belonged to the Late, Great and very Girthy John Holmes… not very convincing considering his dick is the size of a Fuckin’ 747 Jumbo jet to Cessna sized member…
don’t think we fooled anyone but that’s ok cause this incident was only to be upstaged by another awkward moment that had all eyes on me again no more than 5 minutes later…
anways I’ll save that story for another post!
– Espinaca!
