This Shades of Gray is going to be considerably less fun and light-hearted than usual, bear with me.
My oldest brother Steve loves me to death. I know this because he’s told me more times than I can remember. Steve took care of me quite a bit when I was a kid, the side effect of having a Mom who had to work and being 15 or so when she has a baby. Steve did messed up things while babysitting, he’d have his friends over and they would get fucked up while I was in the crib. When I’d cry they’d blow bong hits in my face, when I was teething they rubbed coke on my gums, I’m even told I was slipped a bit of acid one time. I’m surprisingly not too upset at this (hell, who else can legitimately claim they’ve been partying since 2 years old) I’m not upset because I know Steve didn’t mean any harm, he’s just stupid. Steve had a string of addictions up til the 80’s when he kicked them all and started drinking as a crutch. I can’t ever recall Steve being sober, he’s always been drunk and rarely fun to be around, mind you I said rarely and not never. When I was 7 he bought me a pair of the first Air Jordan’s and a Michael Jackson Thriller jacket, those shit’s were sweet son. When I was 12 he offered to take me to Van Buren and get me a whore, he said he could make me a condom out of an old inner-tube so “nothing could get through that fucker!” I declined the offer. When I was 17 he told me he was going to fuck my girlfriend because I mouthed off to him, we went outside in the snow and I knocked his drunk ass out. Twice. In 1999 he pissed me off so bad I decided I would never talk to him again, that lasted until 2006. I spent a few hours getting drunk with him in a hotel bar, it was one of the saddest days of my life. It was also the last time I spoke to him. Steve’s health had deteriorated pretty bad, he was just a mess, most of the time I’ve known Steve I’ve known he needs help. Thing is, he doesn’t know it, he’s just stupid. Today I found out Steve is homeless, living in a shelter in Las Vegas, it doesn’t surprise me but it does break my heart. All his possessions gone, his Van, his tools, his clothes, his will to live and he still refuses the help he desperately needs. All he wants is some cash so he can get a motel room, a thirty rack of Bud and a bottle of Jack. Steve’s going to die in one of those rooms one night, hammered and alone and it sucks. It sucks because I love my big brother and I can’t help him. He’s just stupid.
