In November of 2001 the Arizona Diamondbacks were playing in the World Series against the New York Yankees. It was one of the greatest series ever played, going back and forth until the very end. I was watching game 4 with my friend Matt at a great bar called Teakwoods in Chandler. Diamondbacks pitcher Byun Hun Kim blew the game for the second consecutive night and we were pissed. So pissed we decided the only thing to do was drink several pitchers of beer and as many Patron shots as possible. Once we decided that we had drank enough to sufficiently drive home without remembering any of the ride, we left Teakwoods in Matt’s truck. Upon our arrival at the house I promptly threw my roommate Chris out of his chair at the computer and into a wall, this of course being the proper way to greet a friend when hammered off tequila. Several people were at the house having a great time, lots of friends, lots of ladies. Matt passed out as soon as he hit the couch, I on the other hand was ready to party. One of my roommates, Melissa, took me aside to tell me about a conversation she had with my ex girlfriend and how she had cheated on me several times. This news upset me, so when I was offered the chance to go home with a couple of girl’s who were rolling on E I naturally accepted. I didn’t want to ride with the girls for fear of being stuck somewhere if it got uncomfortable or lame, so I decided to drive. My car was blocked in by several others, so I took Matt’s keys, a couple beers and off I went. By the time I realized what was going on I was almost to the girl’s place. I was doing 75 down Ray Rd. and listening to Hed(pe). I noticed how fast I was going and slowed it down to 50, then I tilted my head back to enjoy my frosty beverage and noticed a Police cruiser right behind me. BWEEEOOOOO! went the siren and flashing lights. Crap! He’ll never let me finish this second beer, I thought to myself. I pulled over and the officer asked for license and registration, stupid question since I had neither with me. The officer asked me about the strange multi colored glass jar he had seen fall from the glove compartment while I was searching for Matt’s Insurance info. “You never mind that, it’s not important” I told the piggy. He asked me out of the truck and I obliged. He asked me to step to the back of the truck and I obliged. He asked me to walked a straight line and I almost fell over. I casually leaned back against the truck and inquired if I were to admit being drunk would I still have to play all these silly games and he said “no, just turn around so I can put these handcuffs on you.” HA HA! I win! Wait, no I think I may have screwed myself.
The officer went back to the truck and poured out my open beer and left the full one on the sidewalk, my only consolation was the thought it would still be there waiting for me whenever I could come back.(It wasn’t, by the way) He also opened the glove compartment to find the glass jar, opened it and took a healthy wiff of it’s contents. When he came back to the car he told me he knew what was kept in there, “blueberry jam?” I asked. “If that’s what they’re calling it these days, he said. During this time the two girls on E must have wondered where I was because they showed up looking for me. Not satisfied with me being under arrest they decided to talk to the officer and try to get him to let me go. Not a good idea. One girl tried flashing him while the other tried rubbing on his arm, I’m pretty sure she was trying to steal his gun but it was dark and I was drunk. The girls failed in freeing me and the officer sent them on their way, I was going to jail!
To be continued….