So I was having a casual conversation tonight about Penis’s and whatnot (with a female) when it dawned on me… which is better? the N.R.B or the infamous Morning wood? they both have their pro’s and con’s… so lets dissect these two amazing and mythical forms of the age old Boner.
Definitions:
N.R.B or No Reason Boner: The N.R.B is a naturally occurring phenomena some say older than time itself… now you may have first encountered this sudden and immediate formation at a young age while at church or at school… Generally a NRB occurs in the most inappropriate of times… for the author they occur while in meetings, when im hot or when Im tired (it is questionable if the tired NRB is actually a premature morning wood in disguise) and somtimes when I’m bored and not thinking about sex…
However the N.R.B has its moments When your with a chick and you get one (usually a NRB is what we classify as a “Rager” or a Boner that constantly grows with Velocity and only stops when it is 100% at max capacity and in its most deadly form) Chicks Dig N.R.B’s!!! it turns them on pretty hardcore… cause they think that you hanging out with them at the mall gives you a boner… makes em feel hot cause they think they caused it… when the truth is… there is no reason why you have that boner…
Morning Wood: a.k.a. Natures alarm clock… Originally discovered by the vikings this form of boner is pretty universally known, in Fact if you don’t get at least 3 morning woods a day you should see a doctor cause their is probably something wrong with your penis….
Now the reasons why morning wood are great are pretty obvious…. if theirs a chick in the bed with you… (or if your really fucking weird and theirs a guy…..ewwww… you sick fuck.) you wake up via morning wood and than you roll over and “wake” her up with your little morning gift. alternative perks include but are not limited to: morning head, additional sleep time (you cant get outta bed with a huge boner right?) and the rusty trombone…. google it or some shit… I don’t even know what it means…
Downsides to the morning wood include, premature awakening and embaressing moments when sleeping over on a friends couch.
How to Avoid Awkward situations with either of these two “types” of Boner…
N.R.B.: If your at school walk out of class with your backpack/notebook in front of you… When im in meetings I try to push that shit down but that only makes it worse… ignore it and it will go away… hopefully before the meeting is over. Also the guys that carry that gay little leather briefcase folder thingy have nothing in them, they are just used to disguise their chronic N.R.B. problems. In extreme cases… Look at a guy…(I never take it to this extreme cause I am straight)
Morning Wood: Roll Over, or Go into the bathroom real quick… everyones sleeping anyways. Think of a guy (Again, I’ve never resorted to this method)
Now that I have pointed out the best and worst features of aforementioned pant formations… Which is better?
Both!
They are equally important and integral to the prosperity of man… cause you know the old saying..
“A man with a giant boner is a happier man than one without”
So next time you encounter one of these mythical beasts… don’t question its origin or curse its inappropriateness. enjoy it and appreciate the fact that you can still get it up. So enjoy your boners and keep them as far away from other men as humanly possible.
